英文簡歷中不能說的話

致命的大錯：
　　“finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10.”

　　“qualifications: no education or experience.”

　　“i am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy.”

　　“my compensation should be at least equal to my age.”

　　“reason for leaving: it had to do with the irs, fbi and sec.”

　　“fired because i fought for lower pay.”

　　“size of employer: very tall, probably over 6''5”

　　“please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date.”

　　“reason for leaving: my boss said the end of the world is near.”

　　“reason for leaving: the owner gave new meaning to the word ''paranoia.'' i prefer to elaborate privately.”

　　打字錯誤與語法錯誤：

　　“here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

　　“strengths: ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.”

　　“i am a rabid typist.”

　　“work history: performed brain wave tests,1879-1981.”

　　“after receiving advice from several different angels, i have decided to pursue a new line of work.”

　　“accounting cleric.”
　　“as indicted, i have over five years of experience analyzing investments.”

　　“suspected to graduate early next year.”

　　“disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.”

　　“proven ability to track down and correct erors.”

　　“accomplishments: oversight of entire department.”

　　“am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

　　“accomplishments: completed 11 years of high school.”

　　不應有的幽默：

　　“note: keep this resume on top of the stack. use all others to heat your house.”

　　“assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting.” (translation: short-order cook.)

　　“but wait...there''s more. you get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature.”

　　“i have an excellent track record, although i am not a horse.”

　　“my fortune cookie said, ''your next interview will result in a job''-and i like your company in particular.”

　　“title: another resume from the ''profiles in excellence'' series.”

　　“also known as: mr. productivity, mr. clever, mr.fix-it.”

　　“trustworthy references available upon request-if i give them a few bucks.”

　　“let''s meet so you can ''ooh'' and ''ahh'' over my experience.”