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幽默英語笑話小段子
在平日的學(xué)習(xí)中，大家最熟悉的就是知識點(diǎn)吧？知識點(diǎn)有時候特指教科書上或考試的知識。你知道哪些知識點(diǎn)是真正對我們有幫助的嗎？以下是小編精心整理的幽默英語笑話小段子，歡迎閱讀，希望大家能夠喜歡。
幽默英語笑話小段子 1
1、"Are you writing a thank-you letter to Grandpa like I told you?"
"Yes, Mum."
"Your handwriting seems very large."
"Well, Grandpas deaf, so Im writing very loud."
“你是在按照我說的給爺爺寫信感謝他嗎?”
“是的，媽媽。”
“你的字好象寫得太大了。”
“嗯，爺爺?shù)亩洳缓茫晕覍懙么舐朁c(diǎn)兒。”
2、the woman who loves you most?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves
you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.'
My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?'
一天晚上我開著丈夫的`車去購物，回來后發(fā)現(xiàn)車身沾滿灰塵，于是擦洗了一陣。當(dāng)我終于走進(jìn)屋里時大聲喊：“世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風(fēng)玻璃。”
我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：“媽媽來了?”
3、是哪兩個詞?
What Are The Two Words?A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.“My dear，” said the old lady，“I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that? “Why，sure，Granny，”said the girl.“What are the two words?”
一個非常高貴的老夫人有幾句話要對她的孫女說。“我親愛的，”老夫人說：“我希望你能幫我一個忙。我要你答應(yīng)永遠(yuǎn)不要用兩個詞。一個是‘討厭的’，另一個是‘極好的’。你能答應(yīng)我嗎?” “噢，當(dāng)然，奶奶。”女孩說：“是哪兩個詞?”
幽默英語笑話小段子 2
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中間戰(zhàn)術(shù)
三個互相爭生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價!”“特便宜!”
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大砍價!”“大折扣!”
中間的商人隨后準(zhǔn)備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：“入口處”。
Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個大軍營中工作，當(dāng)然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，“我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興。”瓊同意了，于是他們幾個月里一直通著信。
后來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個部隊(duì)醫(yī)院里。
瓊到了醫(yī)院，她對護(hù)士長說，“我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。”
“這里只有親屬可以探望病人。”護(hù)士長說。
“噢，是的，”瓊說，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高興認(rèn)識你，”護(hù)士長說，“我是他的母親。”
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
軍營里有二名士兵，一個叫喬治，一個叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”
比爾說：“有。”然后把信紙和信封給了喬治。
喬治又說：“我還沒有筆呢。”比爾又把自己的筆給了他。喬治開始寫信。寫完后把信放進(jìn)信封里，又問：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。
這時比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：“你要出去嗎?”
比爾說：“是的。”隨即打開了門。
喬治說：“請幫我把這封信投進(jìn)辦公室的信箱里，還有...”他停住了。
“你還要什么?”比爾問。
喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
大五個月
第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開始了，約翰想?yún)④姡伤挥惺鶜q，當(dāng)時規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時，他說他已經(jīng)十八歲了。
可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆]幾天，而且也是這個軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的'表格時，感到非常驚奇。
“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問。
“十八，長官。”約翰說。
“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”
約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。”
West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
父親、哥哥和我到西點(diǎn)軍校去觀看一場陸軍與波士頓大學(xué)之間的橄欖球賽。開始之前，我們到處轉(zhuǎn)了轉(zhuǎn)，碰到許多穿著整齊制服的學(xué)員。幾名游客問新兵是否愿意擺出軍姿來讓他們攝。“好讓我們的兒子知道，如果他到西點(diǎn)軍校來學(xué)習(xí)會得到什么。”
一對中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學(xué)員，問她是否愿意擺個姿勢照相。他們解釋說：“我們想讓兒子知道他沒來西點(diǎn)軍校錯過了什么。”
Present for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
送給女友的禮物
在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買了一個貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎?”珠寶商問道。
那名顧客想了一會兒，然后說道：“不--在上面刻‘給我唯一的愛’。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。”
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